I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
