my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
