We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We left the knife in your bed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
