what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
kristin has been a bad kristin
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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