I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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