Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
