I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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