i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
