all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
