I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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