I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
