i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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