I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
