Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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