god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
