lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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