Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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