so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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