yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
