do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Green mimosas i think yes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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