porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
