He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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