But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
