sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
