You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
