Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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