Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
