I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
