Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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