I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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