I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
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YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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