I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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