But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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