Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
