I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
