Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
