It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
