I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
