if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
