Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
