and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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