Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
