I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
