dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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