At least make sure they are 18
Why
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
