Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
