Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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