I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
