He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
