You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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