i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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