return my video game
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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