I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize