hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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