sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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