If that was your dad, he is hot
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
