we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
