i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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