But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
