He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
