She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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