nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
