Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
