For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
