Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
