Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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