if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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