A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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