Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
