that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
