sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
