Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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